Emotions Of The Post-Graduation Phase: Master’s Edition
If you’re finishing up your Master’s degree or are currently working on it, you’ll know that the Master’s journey is anything but relaxed and easy. These one or two years entail that you consciously make time for yourself, your studies, and leave little time for socialization. During that time, you might feel as though all you’re doing is reading one thing after the other, and think about how badly you’d do anything to have a day or two to sit around and do nothing. Well, be careful what you wish for because after you graduate, that’s what you’ll be doing, especially if you’re an international student waiting for your work authorization to kick in.
Transition phases are hard. The uncertainty and not knowing what’s going to happen the next day are anything but pleasant. Additionally, transitioning from having every second accounted for to waking up at noon and not knowing what to do the rest of the day is jarring. It makes you reflect a lot on your experiences and what makes you happy.
While this experience isn’t the same for everyone, it’s safe to say that if you’re an international student, the legalities of your stay weigh on your shoulders as you check the government websites for updates on your work authorization, become hyper-aware of any laws you might be breaking by staying in the country, and constantly hoping for something to happen.
Let’s talk about some emotions you might experience during this phrase.
Heartbreak
If you’ve been living in the same place for the duration of your Master’s studies, you may not know it, but you’ve probably found a community — friends that you didn’t even know were your friends, the people you lived with, that one coffee shop where you’ve gotten to know everyone’s names, that person you caught feelings for, the corner shop down the road that has the best croissants, the church you went to at odd hours of the night for an escape, and the gas station where the uncle greets you in his mother tongue because you come from the same region of the world. It isn’t until you leave this space that you realize what the space means to you. Whether you leave to go back home or simply relocate because of finances, you experience a heartbreak that you don’t know how to get over.
Like with any separation, closure and saying your goodbye is important. You don’t always know when you’ll come back to this place or see the faces you’ve seen almost every day for the past one to two years. Saying goodbye, saying the hard-hitting emotional things, is important for yourself to move on and prepare yourself for the next step of your education and career.
I say this because these are things I missed out on. The week leading to my graduation, instead of celebrating my achievement and saying my farewells, I was bedridden and found myself in the ER due to a fever of 104 degrees, low blood pressure and untreated anemia. It was hard to see my roommates celebrating and tying up loose ends, while all I could do was barely muster the strength to pack and keep my balance so as not to take a tumble down the stairs. Due to finances, I had to move to Florida with my sister from New York, and I find myself upset and aching for the place I never got to say goodbye to, for the people whom I never properly got to say goodbye to. Perhaps, if I had, this waiting around for the next 2 months for my work authorization would’ve been easier. There’s no way to tell, but I feel like I have unfinished business and find myself looking for the smallest reason to go back to New York.
So, say your goodbyes, take those photos and cherish the memories. The heartbreak will still be there, but maybe it’ll be easier to wake up every morning when you know you’ve said and done all that you had to.
Restlessness
Remember that you went from constantly being on the move to not having a reason to get out of bed. Unless you have travel plans or a job waiting for you, there’s not much you can do to keep your mind occupied. The restlessness builds up in your chest and at one point, it cripples you. You find yourself counting down every minute and every hour, and the moment you hit the bed to sleep at night, you think to yourself, “That’s another day”. It’s indeed terrible.
How you choose to transition this energy and keep yourself occupied is up to you. You might read all the books you weren’t able to during your Master’s, you might take up a new hobby, if you’re an international student, you might finally start learning how to drive. I opted for rotting on my sister’s couch watching all the TV shows I missed out on and writing one article after the other to get my emotions out. Different things work for different people. Just be sure that you’re eating well, taking care of yourself and at least, trying to keep your mind occupied. It’s easy and tempting to give into the blues that the restlessness brings and from there, it’s a downward spiral.
No sense of belonging
If you’re an international student, this may be specific to you. Finding a sense of belonging in the United States is challenging, especially when you’re constantly on the move and having to think six months ahead. If you’re lucky, you’re still living in the same place you did during your Master’s and are waiting for your work authorization. If not, you’ll find yourself packing your entire life in two suitcases and moving someplace else, only to know that you’ll have to relocate again when you hear back from the places you dropped your resume. Moreover, you refuse to unpack and settle in and get comfortable, because what’s the point?
Unfortunately, for us international students, a sense of belonging is a luxury and it’s not something we’ll experience any time soon. After graduating from your Master’s Program comes the uncertainty of getting your work authorization, then extending that work visa and hoping that your employer will sponsor your visa, then filling in all the requirements that’ll allow you to apply for a green card. Every time you relocate, you break your own heart.
What I keep telling myself is that everything will be okay and this is just another phase. Yes, it’s easier said than lived through, especially when you’ve had no closure from the journey. However, this is what life entails. Not everything will go your way and sometimes, nothing ever goes our way and these feelings are valid. Nevertheless, it’s what you have to do and live through to reach your goal. Keep in mind that this is just a phase in the grander process and maybe one day, you’ll be able to go back to the place that you called your home. We never know what the future holds and unfortunately, this phase is when everything is out of your control and all you can do is wait, wait and wait some more until you start hearing back about your work authorization and all the places you’ve applied to.
Written by Puja Sarkar, Press & Written Media team
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